Harvest Pointe Christian Church, Milford Ohio is a non-denominational Christian Church (Church of Christ) on the Eastside of Cincinnati OH

The Mixed Emotions of Motherhood | 05-09-10

The Mixed Emotions of Motherhood
Mother's Day
Mary

  I. The agony and ecstasy of giving birth.

 II. The frustration and fulfillment of child-rearing.

III. The eagerness and reluctance of releasing her child.

IV. The appreciation and resentment of reversing the roles.

Full Text 

I have mixed emotions about preaching on Mother's Day.  On the one hand I think mothers deserve a special day to honor them and I'm eager to do that.  But on the other hand it's difficult to find something fresh to say since there's a limited number of Bible passages about Motherhood.
And the difficulty is compounded by the fact that all families are not like "Leave It to Beaver" and "The Cosby Show".  Some people did not have the privilege of a loving relationship with their mother.  Holidays, like Mothers Day, dredge up old feelings of rejection and loneliness.  Other people's mothers have passed on from this world and Mothers Day can bring up feelings of grief.  So, if you have unhappy memories or unfulfilled desires or are grieving the loss of your Mother, we do not want to intensify that pain. 
Another reason I have mixed emotions about Mother's Day is, I'm not a mother!  I want to encourage women to day, but I feel inadequate because it's a complex subject that I've never experienced. 
According to a poll by Family Circle Magazine, 86% of mothers think they don't get enough respect, and 80% agree that moms who stay at home get even less respect.  But in spite of that lack of respect, 77% of mothers who work full time would rather stay at home if they could. 
70% percent of mothers say that being a mom is much more demanding than they expected, but 92% say it is also much more rewarding.  Obviously, mothers have mixed emotions about being a mom, so how can I, as a man, really understand how they feel?  So, based on observation, listening, and reading, I'm going to talk today to husbands and children about the mixed emotions of motherhood. 
If the rest of the family can understand that feelings fluctuate throughout every phase of motherhood, maybe we'll have a deeper appreciation of her role and be more helpful and more encouraging. 
Mary, the pure-hearted mother of Jesus, is a good Biblical example of a godly mother, and yet, she experienced several different emotions during the various stages of motherhood.
First, there was
I. The agony and ecstasy of giving birth. 

Many of you remember the story.  God sent the angel Gabriel to a virgin in Nazareth to tell her that she was going to give birth to the Messiah, God's special king.  From the moment she heard that announcement she had mixed emotions.  She felt privileged but perplexed.  In Luke 1:34-37 we read, "34'How will this be,' Mary asked the angel, 'since I am a virgin?'
35The angel answered, 'The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. … 37For nothing is impossible with God."
During her pregnancy Mary was both elated and embarrassed.  What a thrill to give birth to the Son of God!  Luke 1:46-49, "46And Mary said:  'My soul glorifies the Lord 47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior…From now on all generations will call me blessed, 49for the Mighty One has done great things for me-holy is his name.'"  But Mary had to endure the temporary rejection of her fiancé and the ongoing gossips in Nazareth.
When the time came for the child to be born, His delivery was a mixture of discomfort and joy.  When Mary had carried the baby nearly full term, she and Joseph had to make a rugged journey to Bethlehem because of a government decree.  Sensing the baby was about to arrive, she was probably relieved to see the lights of Bethlehem.  But then I'm sure she was a bit agitated when Joseph reported there was no room for them in the inn.  By this time she was extremely uncomfortable and willing to settle for anything soft and private.
Now, there are two words in the Bible that are translated "inn".  The one is used in the story about the Good Samaritan.  The Samaritan took the man who had been beaten and robbed to an inn.  It is what we think of.  Rooms with beds and you could even buy meals.
But in Bethlehem we find a different word used.  Bethlehem was too small and too close to Jerusalem for an inn with rooms and beds.  This word depicted 4 stone walls.  It was a place to sleep at night with some protection.  If you had animals, they went in with you so they couldn't slip away in the middle of the night.  And if a thief climbed over the wall to rob someone, everyone inside would gang up on him and drive him away.  And there wasn't room in that place for an expectant mother!
Maybe they did find a cave or small enclosure for animals that someone let them use.  But Bethlehem had small stone mangers along the streets.  A manger is simply something animals can eat out of.  They were there so travelers could feed their animals.  Joseph very well could have drug one of those between some houses and that's where Mary had her baby.  No roof over their heads.  No four walls for protection.  And that is also how the Shepherds could find them.  Wherever, Mary had Jesus, it was not Bethesda North.  She was definitely not comfortable.
What's it like to give birth?  When women first find out they are expecting a baby, sometimes they are disappointed.  Some times it's, "Not now!" or Not again!"  But usually there's excitement and she can't wait to tell other people and share the joy.  Then she gets morning sickness and can become antisocial. 
What's it like to carry a child inside your body for nine months?  Some one wrote, "Initially pregnancy is such a joyful time until…your body bulges, stretch marks appear.  You feel unattractive and you can't roll over easily in bed or even bend over anymore.  You feel the baby kick - the most awesome of pregnancy experiences - then the false labor pains begin and you can't tell what's what…you become apprehensive and impatient."  Did you catch all those mixed emotions? 
What's it like to be so anxious that you pray every day for a healthy child and wonder if God is going to answer your prayer?  What's it like to go through intensifying labor pains and wonder if you're going to live? 
One mother said, "Your husband helps you start your 'pattern-pant-blow' breathing in the delivery room and then you remember that he got you into this mess.  He's still smiling and his words of encouragement sound flippant and you are now seething in not just pain, but anger as well!"
"You work and strain and then suddenly it's over and you experience the thrill of holding the baby.  And then, there's a moment of ecstasy and somehow it's all worth it now."
Whenever you see a new mother in the hospital, you find physical exhaustion and emotional relief.  No more pain and anxiety.  There are tears of joy and thankfulness.  It's a mixture of emotions that others witness but only a mother can fully experience.
That must have been the way Mary was when the shepherds came to visit her that Christmas night.  She was wrung out from the pain and anxiety.  But she was bursting with joy at the new baby lying in a manger by her side. 
The mixed emotions of motherhood are just beginning at childbirth.  That's followed by
II. The frustration and fulfillment of child-rearing. 

Mary gave birth to a special child but she faced some difficult challenges.  When Jesus was just a few days old she took Him to the temple.  In Luke 2:30-33, a godly old man named Simeon held the baby Jesus and praised God.  "'30For my eyes have seen your salvation, … 32a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.'  And how did Joseph and Mary feel?  Verse 33.  33The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him."  Joseph and Mary are thrilled! 
But Simeon did not stop there.  He went on in Verse 34.  "34Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: 'This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, 35so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.'"
Mary must have left the temple that day with mixed emotions.  She was overjoyed that Simeon recognized Jesus as the Messiah.  But what did he mean, "A sword will pierce your own soul too?"  She pondered that in her heart. 
Luke 2:40 says, "And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him."  That was fulfilling.  But then when Jesus was twelve there was a troubling incident. 
Mary and Joseph took Jesus to Jerusalem, about a three day trip each way, to celebrate the Passover.  When they started back home, they lost Jesus.  The men and women traveled separately, so each assumed He was traveling with the other.  Now, Mary and Joseph weren't bad parents.  Both thought Jesus was with the other.  That just happens.  When they stopped to set up camp at the end of the day, they discovered He wasn't anywhere to be found. 
Have you ever lost one of your kids?  It is definitely panic time!  Mary and Joseph are both petrified.  Could He have been kidnapped?  Killed?  Was he suffering?  Was he terrified?
They quickly retraced their steps and spend another day traveling back to Jerusalem.  When they get back to the temple, they find Jesus calmly sitting with the teachers of the law, impressing the scholars with His understanding of Scripture.  The Bible says in Luke 2:47-50, "47Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, 'Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.'
49'Why were you searching for me?' he asked. 'Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?' 50But they did not understand what he was saying to them."
While relieved to find him alive, Mary must have been really frustrated that He seemed so insensitive to her anxiety.  At this point she probably felt like wringing His neck!  Luke 2:51-52.  "51Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."
Some years after this Joseph apparently died.  There is not another mention of Joseph in Scripture.  Evidently he passed on.  Jesus was probably in his middle or late teens when Mary became a single mother.  The entire family grieved the loss of the head of the household and Jesus became the breadwinner.
According to Matthew 13:55-56, Mary had at least six other children that she now had to raise by herself.  After beginning His ministry, the people of Jesus' hometown said,  "55Isn't this the carpenter's son? Isn't his mother's name Mary, and aren't his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? 56Aren't all his sisters with us?" 
Mary had at least seven children to rear alone.  That's a lot of pressure.  Can you imagine five boys saying, "I'm hungry!"  Raising even one child can raise feelings of both frustration and fulfillment.  In fact, sometimes kids are so cute, it's hard to correct them without smiling! 
Every parent knows the pain when your child fails and the thrill when they succeed.  How many times have you watched a Mother work hard to get the kids to all look nice for Mothers Day, and she is so proud and happy because they look so nice.  But just as you're about to leave for Church, one of them spits up all over their clothes!  Or jumps into a mud puddle!  Poor Mother!
It is mothers who feel deeply.  They feel the pride and thrill when their child accepts Christ and is baptized.  They feel the anxiety for their rebellious child's future and a sword pierces their souls.  Take your mother's feelings into consideration.  Live and act in a way that will make her happy.  Proverbs 23:25 reads: "May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!" 
Thirdly, Mary also experienced
III. The eagerness and reluctance of releasing her child. 

At age 30 Jesus left home.  That sounds like a long time to stay at home unless you remember that Jesus was the oldest son and the primary provider.  He evidently worked for years as a carpenter to support the family. It is speculated that His brothers were now capable of taking over the family business and so Jesus began His ministry.  Also, in the Jewish culture, at 30 you were considered old enough to be a leader.
Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist.  Then a few weeks later He was at a wedding reception in Cana when the host ran out of wine.  At this point Mary encouraged Jesus to assert Himself and do something dramatic to save the host from embarrassment.  John 2:3-5 reads: "3When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, 'They have no more wine.'
4'Dear woman, why do you involve me?' Jesus replied, 'My time has not yet come.'
5His mother said to the servants, 'Do whatever he tells you.'"
Mary had learned to rely on Jesus to handle difficult situations.  She urged Him to be assertive and do something to help these desperate people-probably her relatives.  This is when Jesus performed His first miracle and turned water into wine.  And Mary was pleased.
But it's interesting that a few months later Mary came to take Jesus home when He became so popular that He didn't take time to stop and eat and the religious leaders were so jealous that they attacked Him.  Mary came to rescue Him.  Mark 3:31-32 says: "31Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. 32A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, 'Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.'" 
On one hand Mary was eager for Jesus to assert Himself and help people.  On the other hand she wanted to protect him from pressure and danger and tried to bring Him back home.  That illustrates that while mothers are eager for each child to mature, they are reluctant to give them total freedom. 
We're eager for that infant to walk, talk, and read, but it's not easy to put your child on a school bus for the first time and wave goodbye or allow them to stay overnight at a friend's house, or play a dangerous sport.
When our boys were getting ready to drive I had the same speech with each of them.  "Driving privileges have to be earned and they will be loosened or tightened as we go.  To begin with, your Mother is here.  I am here.  And you are over here.  So it will be somewhere between where your mother and I are."  You see, Mother was not ready to untie the apron strings. 
And when your child heads off to college for the first time or enlists in the military, there is that mixture of emotions - pride and sadness.  And it's hard, but as they mature, you have to back off and let them live their own lives.  You can suggest and reason, but you have to let them make the decision.  And when they're married, you have to stay out of it.  Let the kids learn and grow together.
There's one other stage of motherhood that brings up mixed emotions. 
IV. The appreciation and resentment of reversing the roles.

The Bible isn't into making a big, emotional deal out of things.  It is amazingly factual.  But there are eight words in John's gospel that are heart-rending.  John 19:25 says "Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother…"  Think about it!  Mary was there and witnessed all the brutality heaped upon her Son.  "And a sword pierced her soul too." 
But before Jesus breathed His last, He saw to it that His mother was properly cared for.  John 19:26-27 reads "26When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Dear woman, here is your son,' 27and to the disciple, 'Here is your mother.' From that time on, this disciple took her into his home."  And, of course, John is writing about himself.
Why did Jesus appoint John for that role?  Why not assume that His younger brothers would take care of their mother?  We don't know.  Maybe they weren't able to do it financially yet and John was.  John had a fishing business.  Or maybe Jesus wanted her to have the reinforcement of believers and His brothers did not yet believe in Him.  But the point is the roles reversed.  Mary had taken care of Jesus but now that she was an older widow, Jesus looked out for her. 
That's a difficult transition for both the child and the parent.  On one hand you appreciate your children loving you and looking out for your best interests.  On the other hand you resent them trying to tell you what to do and taking away your independence.  Nobody wants to admit they can't take care of themselves anymore.
And it is so hard on the kids as well.  I have watched the scene play out so many times.  The roles gradually reverse.  At first the parent is proud of having kids that will help when needed.  But there is the other side that doesn't want to admit what is happening to their bodies.  More and more the kids have to help the parent.  Then the parent comes to the point of needing professional care or 24-7 care.  It is beyond the kids ability.  The parent sometimes fights the move and resents the children, but they are only doing what is best.  And it is so hard on the kids.
After my grandfather died, my grandmother began slipping.  With 13 kids and many living in the area, the kids tried taking turns dropping in on her throughout the day.  But they would come in and catch her doing things like cooking for a big family.  It became dangerous, but with everyone working, they couldn't literally be with her 24-7.  I remember the tears as they struggled with the decision to put her in a nursing home.
That is such a difficult situation for both the person leaving their home and those that have to make the decision.  Be gentle and understanding if you ever face that time.
The last Biblical pictures of Mary is of a faithful disciple.  She was not only at the cross but also at the empty tomb to celebrate the resurrection.  She was in the upper room when the Holy Spirit descended on the 12 apostles and the church began. 
You see, even Mary needed a Savior.  And if Mary, the most celebrated mother of all, needed a Savior, how much more do the rest of us!  The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  But in Romans 6:23 we are promised, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  If you'd like to accept Him as your Savior today and be baptized into Him, or if you want to become a part of the Harvest Pointe family, we invite you to come forward as we sing.

Based on a 05/14/06 sermon by Bob Russell of South East Christian Church, Louisville, Kentucky.