Harvest Pointe Christian Church, Milford Ohio is a non-denominational Christian Church (Church of Christ) on the Eastside of Cincinnati OH

Kids will be Kids | Series: Spiritual Mythbusters| 06-07-09

Kids will be Kids
Series: Spiritual Mythbusters
Psalm 127:3-5  

Question Number One: What is my vision for my child?

    1. A Godly Child.
    2. An Obedient Child.
    3. A Respectful Child.

Question Number Two: How can I correct and encourage my child?

    1. Consistent Discipline.
    2. Genuine love.
    3. Spiritual Direction.

Full Text 

Today's Spiritual Myth is "Kids Will Be Kids."

Actually, in one sense this is very true.
Kids will test you,
they'll worry you,
they'll try to be the center of the home and even
the center of the universe. 
They will embarrass you and
make messes for you.
Kids will be kids!

In fact, in some ways we need to
let kids be kids and
not try to make them grow up too soon.

A ten year old girl doesn't need to
dress like an 18 year old young woman.

A 7 year old boy should be able to
act goofy with his friends and enjoy life, but
but he also needs to learn when to
conduct himself well in public and social settings.

Kids will be kids.
There is some truth to it.
But all too often that phrase is used
as an excuse for bad behavior.

And when it is, it becomes a recipe for disaster.
Ross Brodfuehrer, wrote, "We have all seen him-this five
year old sounds like Tarzan in full voice and acts like Cheetah.  He demands a Snickers® bar from his dad
and won't take "no" for an answer.  He wears his dad down along with half the customers and eventually leaves the store with his mouth full and his hands sticky."

"We have all met her-she stands about two feet tall, as cute as a button in her pink dress.  But when Mommy suggests, 'Say hello to the nice man,' the little princess becomes the big monster whose 'Hello' is a fine blend of raspberries and a banshee cry, followed by a kick in the shin.  'Don't do that Sugar,' the mother softly scolds, while winking, 'Isn't she cute?'"

"Who hasn't stopped behind a school bus only to receive a special sign from an angel in the back?  How do we produce kids who will encourage the handicapped rather than make fun of him, who graffiti their Bibles with insights rather than bathroom stalls with profanity?  Is it possible?"

Yes, it is possible.
But it does not happen over night.
It demands prayer, time, and commitment. 

Yes, kids will be kids, but
they need to mature to the next stage of life. 

If you are a parent, let me remind you that
having a child is both a blessing and a privilege. 
Psalm 127:3-5 tell us:  "3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.  4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 
5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them…."

That's what we need to communicate to our children, whether you are a teacher, a parent,
a grandparent, or an aunt or an uncle,
try to go out of your way to make a little one
know that they are valuable. 
They are a blessing not a burden.

And parents,
next to your relationship with the Lord,
your family should be your highest priority. 

With that in mind,
let's ask parents 2 questions and
try to answer both of them. 

Question Number One:
What is my vision for my child?

Your goal for your child determines how you react to
all your child throws at you and
all that life throws at your child.

Let's look at 3 important expectations. 
The first and most important is that you will raise
1. A Godly Child.
If you don't begin here,
the rest doesn't matter.

If your main goal is to make your child happy,
your child will not be happy.

If you try to take away the consequences of their actions and try to remove all unpleasant experiences,
they will not be happy.
They will not know where the boundaries are.

Like we saw last week.
those who seek happiness find it elusive.

There are those who just want GOOD kids.
As long as they don't embarrass me,
don't get into trouble with the principal and
don't get arrested,
I'll be satisfied.

But is that all there is to life?
There is so much more.

There are those who think our goal is to
raise successful kids.
If they get into the right college
and get the right job
make the right amount of money,
we were successful parents.
Image is everything, you know!

But again there is so much more to life.

If your child stays out of trouble,
does she know the Lord?
Will she join you in Heaven?

If your child is successful,
will his success gain God's favor?

You see, it is your number one responsibility to
do your best to pass your faith on to your children,
to raise godly kids. 

Don't cram your faith down their throats;
just live it out-
authentically, humbly,
being honest about your struggles and failures. 

Your godly life should attract them to
want to have the same thing in their life. 

And don't back down on whether or not
they go to church.

Do you let them decide whether or not
they go to school?
Ultimately, which is more important?

Do you let them decide whether or not
they go to the dentist?
Ultimately, which is more important?

Your number one goal is godly children.
It will help them be good, successful, happy kids.

A 2nd expectation should be that you would raise…
2. An Obedient Child.

We've all seen the child who is out of control and
the parents have just given up and
resigned themselves to the fact that
that's just the way it is.

And their excuse is simply, "Kids will be kids." 

But nowhere in the Bible do we read such a rationale.
In fact, it's just the opposite. 


The apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 6:1-3: "1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. '2Honor your father and mother'-which is the first commandment with a promise- '3that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.'"

I try to be careful simply calling God, "Our Father."
That term carries some
very bad feelings for some people.

In a very real sense parents model God for their kids
when they are in their early years.

As their primary authority figure,
as you teach them to obey,
you are teaching them in a subtle way
the importance of obeying God and
listening to His voice.

Start early in expecting obedience. 
The child should not have a choice in the matter. 

Ask any school teacher or youth worker and
they can tell you in a matter of minutes
if a child has been taught to obey. 

And parents if you don't go through
the painstaking process of teaching your kids to obey, then for the rest of their 18 years at home,
you will be exhausted. 

You will find the need to repeat yourself over and over.
You will resort to always threatening and
never following through:

 "This is your last warning, we are leaving! 
Turn the TV off or I'm going to leave without you!"  

No you're not!  And the kid knows it!!
You're just going to allow a 6 year old to control your life
along with your schedule and
make you miserable.  

Parents, NEVER make a threat
you are not going to carry out
if the child does not respond.

Because if you do,
your child will learn to ignore and manipulate you.
And you will face frustration day after day. 

Do not think they will outgrow this stage. 
If you allow them to disobey your authority
without facing the music and
if all they hear is empty threats,
why would they change? 

Why would they want to change? 
There is no motivation.

Another goal of a parent is to raise
3. A Respectful Child.

Throughout the Bible we are told to respect our parents.
Proverbs 10:1:  "The proverbs of Solomon: [the wisest man who ever lived] A wise son brings joy to his father,
but a foolish son (can be translated "rebellious" son) but a foolish son grief to his mother."
Proverbs 13:1:  "A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke."

You see, it's not that the child never gets into trouble.
Rather, it's how he responds to the discipline.

Ask any school teacher.
The number of disrespectful children
has risen dramatically in
the past couple of decades…

John Rosemond wrote in his book called, Parenting by the Book, "Yesterday's parents taught manners; today's parents tend to be focused instead on helping their children acquire skills, especially academic and athletic.  This shift has occurred because skills are associated with high self-esteem; manners are not.  I sense that many parents are trying to create what I call 'trophy children'-children who, for example, know their ABC's  at three and can correctly identify all fifty states by the time they are four.  So instead of using the preschool years to build the foundations of good character, many of today's parents use the preschool years to try to jump-start their children's academic success.  That works…sort of…today's kids enter first grade with far better skills, but far less respect for adults."
In the early years, give your kids a start on learning, but
take the time to teach your child respect. 

Parents, when you're on your way to
see someone or be at a gathering,
don't be afraid to coach your kids as to
how you expect them to behave and
how they are to greet and treat certain people.

"Don't jump on great-grandma's lap.
she's getting old and you're getting big and
you might hurt her."

You will be amazed at how they pay attention.

When teaching respect to your kids,
it also means that you expect your kids to
have a good attitude and be positive. 

You don't have to put up with
whining, complaining, or negativism. 

In our home, our kids knew that if they whined,
whatever the request, it was always an automatic NO.

Home should be a place where parents and kids alike
look forward to being there. 
So parents set the example by being happy and positive.

Back on Mother's Day we talked about
your home being a place of joy. 
It starts with the influence of a healthy parent
who expects the children to have a positive attitude. 

I love Philippians 2:14. 
"Do everything without complaining or arguing."

In his book, Have a New Kid by Friday, Kevin Leman writes, "Children from 14 months old to two years discover that they have voices.  Even more, these delightful voices can create wonderfully high pitched noises that bring a parent running.  It's like a new toy and they have to see how it works.  So a child tries out one kind of a scream to see how his parents will react.  If

they overreact to the scream, the child will say to himself, 'Hey that was fun.  I scream and they come running.  They get a funny look in their eyes and those veins on their necks pop out.  Ah, so that's the game …and how we play it.  Let's do it again!'  The point is, children will scream.  But they won't continue to scream unless that behavior has paid off".

In other words, as long as it works,
why would a kid stop screaming? 

We had a wise pediatrician.
He told us that when the boys were screaming
they were exercising their lungs.
It was healthy for them.
So, he said, as long as
they didn't need their diaper changed, or
were hungry, or something,
lay them down in their crib,
go to the other end of the house and
let them scream! 
We took his advice and
it wasn't very long before
they only exercised their lungs
when they had a need.

The same principle applies for
whining, begging, and other forms of manipulation.

If the child rules the roost,
if the parent has abdicated their responsibility and
allows the child to call the shots,
when that child is 16, they will be uncontrollable and
in big trouble.
And they will not be happy.

Parenting is leadership.

Have an intentional game plan which says,
"I'm going to do my part to raise
godly, obedient, respectful children."

Question Number Two:
How can I correct and encourage my child?

Parents, I'd like to share with you 3 gifts
you need to give your children
when it comes to correcting and encouraging.

Always remember Ephesians 6 tells us not to
exasperate our children.
They need encouragement.

And grandparents,
remember that while you're spoiling the kids,
you still need to reinforce what
your children are teaching your grandchildren.

The first gift is…
1. Consistent Discipline.

Some of you may be thinking,
"That doesn't sound like a very nice gift."
Actually there are 2 important parts here.
Both are gifts.

The 1st is consistency.
Deep down this is what every child wants and needs. 

They want to know that the rules
don't change between the parents. 

They want to know that they'll be praised
if they are obedient and
there will be a consequence if they are not. 

Both the mother and father need to
be on the same page and
both need to be consistent.

And other gift here is discipline.
Discipline communicates that you are loved. 

Hebrews 12:6 tells us,
"… the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

That may not sound loving, but
if you look at the long-term effects, it definitely is.

A few verses later in Hebrews 12, Verse 11 says,
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

The one disastrous goal I observe continually these days is that parents want their child to be happy above all else.

Now, all parents want their children to be happy.
But the question is are we talking about
momentary happiness or a lifetime of happiness?

Ask any school teacher.
So often if a child is disciplined in school,
the parent comes to the aide of the child.
"If my child misses a recess tomorrow, he won't be happy!"

Parents, give your child the gift they really want and need.
Make them happier in the future.

Lay out the ground rules, the expectations, and then enforce them.

Proverbs 6:20-23 tells us, "20 My son, keep your father's commands  and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
21Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will guide you;  when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.   23 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life."

Psychologist Robert E. Larzelere did a thorough study of non abusive spanking.
His study revealed that no other discipline technique, including timeout and withdrawal of privileges,
 had more beneficial results for children.

Proverbs 13:24 says, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Now you'll find that each child
reacts to discipline differently. 
Some are devastated and others simply endure it. 

For one of our boys, an open handed swat on the bottom
was all it took to change his behavior.
Just enough to make those plastic pants pop.
I don't think he even felt it through the diaper.

But for the other one,
"No!" meant grin real big and
cover your backside with one hand while
you went ahead and did it with the other.
But take away a TV or a computer privilege, and
he was devastated.

You have to discover what works for your child.
Now, if you were abused as a child
you may bristle up at the thought of spanking a child.

Researchers love to debate issue,
while the Bible always talks about it
in the context of a loving parent administering it. 
Spanking is never intended to harm a child. 

But regardless of
whatever discipline route you choose
in those early years,
it must have some teeth behind it. 

It must be a consequence that
removes a privilege or
makes them sit in Timeout, or
deducting from their allowance, or
forcing them to listen to one of my sermons on line.
[Actually, you need to be careful with the last one.
It may be considered cruel and unusual punishment!!]

Parents need to remember that good behavior is
learned because it is taught. 
Good behavior takes repetition,
being more stubborn than your child, and
letting them know what you expect. 

Proverbs 29:15-17 explains, "15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
 16 When the wicked thrive, so does sin,
       but the righteous will see their downfall.
 17 Discipline your son, and he will give you peace;
       he will bring delight to your soul."

Regardless of what consequence you choose,
it must be strong enough to cause them to
think twice before they do it again.

Discipline needs to be administered
quickly, consistently, privately, and lovingly. 

Every child is different.
Some are naturally obedient.
Some are strong-willed.

Do whatever works to teach your child discipline so
they will have self-discipline as an adult.
I need to point out here that
with kids there are no guarantees.

Everyone reaches a point in life where
they will make their own decisions and
choose which road they will follow.

But you can really stack the cards in your child's favor
with consistent, loving discipline.
If you don't, child psychologist, Brenda Hunter says, "Remember that the wild two-year old, if undisciplined, will become the surly six-year-old.  If left untamed, he may become the uncontrolled teenager who breaks your heart.  Take charge now."

The second gift you must give is that of …
2. Genuine love.

This goes hand in hand with discipline.
The motive for discipline is love. 

Have you ever planted a tree?
When you first plant a tree, it needs a lot of water.

But you don't just dump 10 gallons of water on the tree.
You could drown it.
It is best if you let the water trickle
over a period of time.

That's how it is with children.
Don't go home and rush up to your 12 year old son and
say, "I love you! 
You look nice today! 
Give me a great big hug!
Let's hold hands and go on a walk together!   
He'll be saying, "Oooooh, gross!!!!"

Let the love trickle day after day.
Over time it takes root and
the love will grow and mature and
your children will feel it.
For those of you who are single parents,
you may be thinking,
"It's impossible for my child to
receive as much love and discipline
as those who are in a two-parent home."

2 things.
1st It is far more difficult for you because
you come home from work and you are tired.
You still have laundry to do and food to cook.
And there's no one to share the load.
And it takes a lot of effort to love and discipline a child.

But no matter how tired you are,
force yourself to give your child what they need.
You will never regret it.

2ndly, don't give up hope. 
God Himself will help you. 
In Psalm 68:5 God is called "a father to the fatherless"

Single parents can draw on God's loving kindness and
take refuge in His goodness.
All these values that we've talked about are important, but there's something more important than their behavior
and that's their hearts.

You need to give them the gift of
3. Spiritual Direction.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says: "5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your

children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

It's impossible to start giving spiritual guidance
at too young of an age. 

Tell them the Bible stories and read them to them.
Pray constantly for your kids. 

Child psychologist and family advocate,
Dr.  James Dobson, says to parents that
there are two absolutes that every child must know:
first, that you love them unconditionally and,
secondly, that they must obey you. 
Dobson goes on to add that those same two truths,
as they get older,  must be transferred over to God.  They must know that He loves them, and that
they are to obey Him.

And parents, that is so true.
As an authority figure,
you are giving them an impression of what God is like.  If it's not taught when they are younger then
it cannot be transferred when they are older.

When we discipline them and love them
we ARE giving them spiritual direction. 

Parenting is tough.
Babies do not arrive with an owner's manual.
We all learn as we go.
Sometimes it's amazing how well our kids turn out!

The poet put it like this:

"I took a piece of PLASTIC clay,
And idly fashioned it one day,
And, as my fingers pressed it still,
It moved and yielded to my will."

"I came again when days were past,
The bit of clay was hard at last;
The form I gave it, it still bore,
But I could change that form no more."

"I took a piece of LIVING clay,
And gently formed it day by day.
And molded with my power and art,
A young child's soft and yielding heart."

"I came again when years were gone;
It was a man I looked upon,
He still that early impress wore,
But I could change that form no more."
God has given you living clay. 

God is allowing you the opportunity to make
incredible, significant,
life changing, value producing decisions
for your little one. 
Someone said, "There's only been one perfect parent and His kids rebelled!" 

God is that perfect parent and
all of us, His children, have rebelled.

Romans 3:23 tell us that
all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

But the good news is that
God still loves and forgives us.

And the best way to teach your child about God
is by the life you lead.

If you've never turned your life over to Him and said,
"Lord I want You to be the Lord of my life. 
I want to be a part of your family,"
then maybe today is the day for that. 

There are others of you who may be saying,
"I want to be a part of this church family. 
This is the place where
I want to serve,
where I want to grow and
where I can deepen in Christ." 

Whatever your decision,
meet me down front as we stand and sing.

Based on a 2008 sermon of Dave Stone of South East Christian Church, Louisville, Kentucky