Harvest Pointe Christian Church, Milford Ohio is a non-denominational Christian Church (Church of Christ) on the Eastside of Cincinnati OH

Getting a Divorce is Better than Being Unhappy | Series: Spiritual Mythbusters | 05-31-09

Getting a Divorce is Better than Being Unhappy
Series: Spiritual Mythbusters
Malachi 2:13-16                                            

  I. God hates divorce and so should you.

       A. Divorce damages your life.
       B. Divorce hurts your children.  
       C. Divorce hurts your witness.

 II. What can you do if you are thinking about divorce?

       A. Daily prayer and Bible study.
       B. "Do I have a Scriptural basis?"
              1. Adultery.  Matthew 19:8, 9
              2. Abandonment.  I Corinthians 7:15
       C. Stop thinking divorce and start rekindling your marital love.
       D. Take radical measures.

Some Marriage Resources to consider:

"Weekend to Remember " Conference at www.familylife.com

Movie, "Fireproof", "Love Dare Book" or "Love Dare Book" at Amazon , and couple's kit at www.fireproofmymarriage.com

Counseling: The Cincinnati Christian University (513)244-8100

Full Text 

As we continue our series on "Spiritual Myth Busting", 
we come to
"Getting a Divorce is Better than being Unhappy."

Now, there will people who will disagree with
what I am about to say.

There are those who believe that
you should never be divorced for any reason.

On the other hand, there are those that believe that
if you are unhappy at the moment, get a divorce.

If you hold either of these views,
I love you, but
I believe you are mistaken and
do not have a Scriptural stance.

We'll be dealing with both these views
in the sermon, so
PLEASE, listen with an open mind.

This is an emotion-charged topic so,
no matter where you stand,
forget your personal spin and
listen to what God has to say about it.

Don't get defensive, don't get upset,
don't internalize every statement.  

And don't say, "Well, he doesn't know my story!" 

God is the only One who knows all
the ins and outs of your own personal situation, but
just pray that God will make His truth known to you  through this message.

The goal of this sermon is not to
upset anyone or to
give anyone a guilt complex.

Rather, it is to give you understanding and
hopefully to save future families.

Some of you have parents who are divorced.
Some of you have been divorced yourselves.
It is the time in which we live.

According to Mike McManus, cofounder of Marriage Savers, George Gallup's 2008 Values and Beliefs Survey says that "A record 70 percent of Americans believe divorce is morally acceptable.  That's an 11 percent increase in the last seven years.  America has the highest divorce rate in the world, and for 70 percent of Americans to say that it's morally acceptable is really quite stunning".

Truly, our nation does believe the myth that
"Getting a Divorce is better than being unhappy." 
If it were only that easy!  

So, if you are contemplating divorce,
Please listen carefully.

In the beginning, back in Genesis 2:22-24 the Bible says,
"22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man.'
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

That's how it all started.
That's the ideal.

But 4,000 years later, by the time of Jesus,
divorce was as common as it is today.

Our text for today is a little obscure.  
It's found in the book of Malachi, Chapter 2. 

To give you a little background,
Malachi was written about 400 B.C.,
around the same time as Ezra and Nehemiah,
when the Jews were returning to Israel
following their captivity.
The people are complaining that life is still tough.

But Malachi points out that in reality
they weren't following God with all their hearts.

They were simply going through the motions at the temple. Chapter 1:13 tells us they were
giving God the leftovers and
considered worship a burden.

Many were not living like they should.
Chapter 3:5 shows they were involved in
Sorcery, adultery, lying, and even
oppressing widows and orphans!
They were not following God.

And in our text they were divorcing their wives.

And in the midst of all this,
they wondered why God wasn't blessing them!!

I'm glad Christians today never act like that!
It's so hypocritical!!  Right???

So, with that in mind, let's read Malachi 2:13-16.  God says,
'"13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, 'Why?' It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
16 I HATE DIVORCE,' says the LORD God of Israel....
'So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.'"

My main goal is to challenge every married couple
to commit to remaining married, and that
anyone thinking about getting married,
whether single or divorced,
should make the same commitment.

The first point I want to make is that…
I. God hates divorce and so should you.

Divorce should be avoided whenever possible.


God does not make arbitrary rules.
He is not out to make your life miserable.
God wants what is best for you.

There are several reasons why
God hates divorce.

The 1st one is
A. Divorce damages your life.

Regardless of who is more at fault,
divorce always causes some type of pain. 

A man who had been divorced for 15 years wrote:
"Divorce itself is an arena of pain that few are prepared for.  The damage to the married couple, the children, and the friends and family is simply devastating… They think they will be in a better position in their lives and be happier (especially the party that is pushing it).  This thinking is tragically mistaken.  What is waiting for you is a whirlwind tour of pain, anger, embarrassment, social awkwardness, scheduling difficulties, loneliness, guilt, financial hardship, and generally just a much more complicated life.  You can't imagine how many little things will show up to remind you of your failed marriage and the situation you are now in…we are walking wounded that never completely heal."

Yet, the world says
getting a divorce is better than being unhappy.

You see divorce is so encompassing.
It impacts the couple in so many ways.
People think that once the divorce is over
that other person will be out of their lives.

But especially if there are children involved,
they are never really out of your life.

In fact, the baggage you carry will
affect the next relationship.

The emotional impact of divorce is powerful.

When people go through a divorce
they go through the same emotional cycle
as when you lose a spouse by death.

The big difference is
with the death of a spouse you have all the
good memories to fall back on.
With a divorce you are remembering and feeling
all those bad times at the end.
------------------------------
Divorce can devastate your financial situation. 
You'll lose money in child support, lawyer fees,
divided incomes and rents, and health care benefits.

Often as their anger escalates,
their competitive and vindictive sides emerge, and,
in their effort to hurt their spouse,
both lose financially.
Only the lawyers win.
---------------------------------
When you go through a divorce
it affects so many family relationships. 

Everything changes overnight, and
while you are not going to
 miss some of those individuals,
there are some that you will.

And people think that
getting a divorce is better than being unhappy.

Not only does God hate divorce because
it damages your life, but also
B. Divorce hurts your children. 

We know by every possible cultural measurement that divorce is harmful to kids.

Now, please do not misunderstand me.
It is not that kids from divorced homes can't be godly-
there are too many children of broken families
that are very godly to say otherwise.
But they have a much tougher road to follow.

Statistically, children from divorced homes
do not do as well in school,
are more likely to be in prison,
are more likely to have health problems,
are more likely to be abused,
are more likely to divorce, and on and on.

Now, when a couple is contemplating divorce
they usually don't consider all
the long term consequences.
All they can think about is
they just have to get out of that mess! 

But when the parents break up,
children lose their sense of security.
If we can't trust our parents to be a united team,
then who can we trust?"



God also hates divorce because
C. Divorce hurts your witness.
When you file for a divorce you are admitting that
you are giving up.
That God can't save this marriage. 

But the people you've tried to
influence and impact for the Lord have got to be thinking, "But didn't you tell me the Bible says that,
'Nothing is impossible with God!!'"

Just like a child trying to find some loophole in the rules many try to rationalize their divorce.

Instead of working to hold the marriage together andpursuing the ideal,
people lower their guard and
follow Satan's lead. 

The world, with its appeal to
our selfish and sensual desires,
can leave its mark on all of us. 

But the world is looking to see
if Christians really are
different from the rest of the culture.

Folks, every couple goes through tough times.
Every couple will argue along the way.

But don't consider divorce an option.
Always remember your vows.
"For better or for worse, … as long as we both shall live."

You see, God doesn't hate divorce
in a mean and nasty way.

God hates divorce
in a sad and caring way.
He knows what you will go through if you get divorced.

So, then,
II. What can you do if you are thinking about divorce?

Well, there is one good way to divorce-proof your marriage. 
A. Daily prayer and Bible study.
Now, don't just slough this off as
something the preacher is supposed to say.
If, as a couple, you pray together daily and
read God's word each day,
you have a 99.9% chance of staying married. 

That statistic comes from the American Bible Society, but
it has been duplicated by other organizations with
one study saying that
there's only one divorce per every 1,130 couples
who pray and read their Bible daily. 

In other words, do you want to
improve the spiritual health of your marriage? 
Then start reading your Bible daily and praying together-
it sure can't hurt!

Next, ask yourself,
B. "Do I have a Scriptural basis?" 
Are the Scriptural grounds there to
even think about a divorce? 

Divorce should always to be a last resort. 

Yes, sometimes one of the partners
has no desire to work things out and so,
as the old saying goes, "It takes 2 to tango."
There's not much you can do in that case.

But God hates divorce like the parent of
a cancer-ridden child hates cancer. 
The parent hates what it does to the child
along with the pain that it brings others. 
God is not just some mean God.

Marriage is a commitment - not a convenience.
   a commitment not a contract. 

Sometimes divorce is necessary because
one of the parties has broken the covenant and
is making it impossible to repair. 

That's why the Scriptures give
2 clearly justifiable reasons for divorce. 

First,
1. Adultery.  Matthew 19:8, 9 says, "Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.  But it was not this way from the beginning.  I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.'"

John Stott once said,
"Divorce was a divine concession to a human weakness." 

Divorce is allowable in the case of marital unfaithfulness
because the marriage covenant has been broken, but
this is a concession and not a command. 

God still hates divorce and, if at all possible,
if the unfaithful spouse shows signs of repentance and
a willingness to recommit,
we encourage the innocent party to seek restoration.  

The second Biblical reason for divorce is
2. Abandonment. 

I Corinthians 7:15 tells us, "But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.  A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." 

Let me just say that if the divorce occurred
prior to salvation the past is forgiven. 
The slate has been wiped completely clean. 

II Corinthians 5:17 tells us,
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 

I take this literally. 
When God promises a repentant sinner that
he is a new creation, He means what He says.

We recognize that these 2 Biblical reasons for divorce
do not allow divorce under other circumstances
that may seem valid.

The Bible does make a distinction between
physical separation and divorce, so
I would advise people in certain difficult situations,
like physical, chemical, or substance abuse, that
physical separation may be a viable option.

But in each setting, PRAYER is the KEY.

Divorce has become
so common and convenient in our society. 
We need to go back to holding marriage as a sacred vow that should only be broken in extreme cases.

And husbands and wives need to treat each other
in a way to protect the marriage.

We need to see our spouses as
more important than ourselves. 

In Matthew 5:31-32 Jesus tells us, "31It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

You need to fight for your bride or groom. 
Don't give up, don't throw in the towel-hang tough.  Your marriage is worth fighting for. 

God's plan for marriage is one man, one woman,
one time-it's a lifetime commitment. 

And if you have experienced the pain of divorce and
you can't go back and reconcile that relationship,
make certain that
if God leads you to marry again,
it is until death do you part. 

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin, but
it does devastate lives.
Our goal is not to make anyone feel bad, but
to help you all have a better future.

Thirdly…
C. Stop thinking divorce and
start rekindling your marital love.

One of the problems of our society is that
we think we always should be happy.
We even claim that we deserve it.
We are ENTITLED to happiness!

So we pursue happiness in almost every area of our lives, including our marriages.

But happiness is a funny thing. 
It is elusive as long as you are pursuing it. 

But when you stop pursuing happiness and
start pursuing holiness,
which includes living for others,
including your spouse,
that's when you find happiness!

It's amazing the change that can take place
when you transfer your energy from
pursuing divorce to
pursuing a godly and enriching marriage.

Multiple Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong,
in his book, Every Second Counts,
describes his regret that
he did not put the same hard work into his marriage that
he put into his bike racing. 

We need to work hard on our marriages.
Which leads us to the fourth step.
D. Take radical measures.

If a doctor is trying to save a dying patient,
he will take radical measures.

I had just left a patient in Veterans Hospital in Cincinnati.
As I was walking down the hall
a young doctor hurrying in the opposite direction
asked, "Are you a preacher?"
I said, "Yes."

And without stopping,
He grabbed me by the arm, spinning be around
as he said, "Come with me." 
He rushed me to a nearby bedside,
shoved me in a corner and
commanded, "Pray!"

The heart of the man he was working on
had stopped beating.
He beat and pumped on the man's chest.
He used electric paddles,
making the man's body bounce on the bed.

He worked feverishly,
not wanting to give up,
until an older doctor came in and
put his arm around his shoulders and
led him away.
He had lost his first patient.

Life is precious.
We take radical measures to try to save it.


In the same way,
marriage is precious.
If necessary, we should be willing to
take radical measures to save it.

If your marriage has hit a hard spot,
get radical.
Did you hear about the Christian couple that
was miserable and didn't want to stay married,
but they knew that they didn't have
Scriptural grounds for divorce. 

Finally the wife suggested,
"Why don't we pray that
God calls one of us home to be with Him in Heaven,
then I'll go live with mom!"

That's not the radical measures we're talking about.
Begin by praying.
Don't just ask God to change your spouse.
Ask Him to change you as well.
Ask God for forgiveness for your faults.

Get some Christians who are close to you,
who will keep their mouths shut,
to pray for your marriage.
There is an excellent movie that
anyone who is married or considering it should watch.
And ESPECIALLY if you are considering a divorce
you should watch it.
It's called, "Fireproof".


There is a book that goes along with it called
the "Love Dare Book".
There is also a couple's kit.

You can find more information at:
www.fireproofmymarriage.com

It is a small price to pay for not only your future happiness,
but also the future happiness of many others.
Attend a marriage conference together.
Even if your marriage is good,
they are worth the weekend.

Family Life puts on a "Weekend to Remember" that
Marsha and I have taken in.
You will remember it forever.
Excellent!!!
You can find them at www.familylife.com.

But most radical of all and most importantly,
get some good Christian counseling.

The Cincinnati Christian University has
some counselors that I have sent people to.

They charge almost nothing and
there have been very good results in a short time.

Counseling is a radical measure because,
what if they want ME to change??

But, take the risk.
You will never regret it.


Trust me folks. IF both spouses are willing to work on it,
it is ALWAYS much, much easier to revive your marriage
than to break up.

But if one isn't willing to work on it,
there is only so much you can do.
But you do need to do everything you can.

But, the Church must be different than the world.
Perhaps your spouse was unfaithful to you.

Even though the Bible gives you
permission to divorce your mate,
it may not be the best thing for you to do.

Many marriages have not only survived unfaithfulness,
they have come out of it stronger than before.
---------------------------------
When the Hebrew nation was returning to the land of Israel
following their captivity,
they quickly turned to idolatry.

God viewed Himself as Israel's husband.
When the people worshiped idols it was like
a wife being unfaithful to her husband.

During this time there was a prophet named Hosea.
He wrote one of the Minor Prophets
in the Old Testament.

God told Hosea to marry a prostitute.
Don't get excited guys.
That was a one-time command
for a special purpose.

Hosea chose a woman named Gomer.

Times have obviously changed because
when I think of a prostitute named Gomer,
I think of the type of woman that
the guys must have been pretty drunk
to want to go see her!!!

"Hey!  Let's go see Gomer and have some fun!"

But Gomer bore Hosea 2 sons and a daughter.

But then she must have realized that
motherhood was a major challenge.
So she went back into prostitution.

But in Chapter 3 God told Hosea, in Verse 1
"…Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods…."

So Hosea went and bought Gomer and
took her home again.

This was an illustration to the Israelites
of their relationship with God.

Even though they were unfaithful to Him,
He still loved them and
was ready to bring them home again.

It is also an illustration of all of us.

When we sinned, we were unfaithful to God.
But He still loves us.

He loves us so much He bought us back
with the blood of His Son, Jesus.

In I Peter 1:18-19 Peter wrote, "18…it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed … 19but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."

The price has been paid.
Do you need to accept it?

If so, come forward in faith and
give your life to Christ,
being baptized into Him.

Or if you have already done that and
would like to place your membership with us,
come forward as we stand and sing.

Based on a 2008 sermon of Dave Stone of South East Christian Church, Louisville, Kentucky