Harvest Pointe Christian Church, Milford Ohio is a non-denominational Christian Church (Church of Christ) on the Eastside of Cincinnati OH

About Family | Series: Have you ever wondered? | 07-26-09

About Family
Series: Have you ever wondered?

Question #1:  Will I see and know my family in Heaven? Yes

Question #2:  How can Heaven be a perfect paradise if some of my friends and family aren't there? We do not know

Question #3:  Should everything in our marriage be on a 50/50 basis? No

Question #4:  How can I rekindle love in a marriage where there doesn't seem to be any love left? Give love and pray

Full Text 

An very inquisitive 5 year old had
gone with his father to get some ice cream. 

As they were driving along the boy said,
"Dad why do the leaves change color in the fall?"

And the father responded, "I'm not really sure."

A couple of minutes later the boy asked,
"Dad, who created God?"

The bewildered father said,
"That's a great question but
I don't know the answer to that one."

As they got closer to home the boy saw a street light, "Dad", he asked,
"How do they get electricity to
run through those little tiny wires?"

And the dad said, "You know,
I don't have any idea how that happens."

The boy said,
"Dad I hope you don't mind me
asking all of these questions."

The dad replied, "No son, its fine.
How else are you going to learn
if you don't ask questions!!"

Well, this summer we are trying to
answer some often asked questions.

We've talked about God and the Church and
about our country and even money.

But this week we're getting personal
as we discuss some questions about the family.

Whenever you talk about family
you are treading on delicate territory.

For some, home is a refuge from the world and
family is where unconditional love and help are found.

But for others, family can be a pain in the neck,
as well as a pain in the heart.

Others go beyond emotional hurt.
For them, the thought of family brings up bad feelings.

The Bible has a lot to say to families.

I don't' know if I read the thought somewhere or
if God just popped it into my head, but
along the way I came to the realization that
Jesus did not have an ideal childhood.

We know that at the age of 12
His parents did not understand Him.

His own brothers did not believe in Him and
made fun of Him.
They thought He was crazy!
They didn't believe until after the resurrection.

And it gets worse.

Somewhere along the way Jesus' father died.
And in spite of that grief,
He had to take over and run the family business.
Jesus did not have an ideal childhood.

And Jesus never married, so
He never had the joy of
2 teenagers in the house at the same time!

So, please, never feel like you've missed out or
been cheated
if your family is not the ideal, or
even not the way you would like it to be!

So, let's jump into our 1st question.
Question #1:  Will I see and know my family in Heaven?

Yes you will.

Of course, they will only be with you in Heaven
if they put their faith in Jesus and followed Him.

The Bible teaches that
we will be able to recognize people in heaven.

In fact, you may be surprised at who's there!
And maybe some will be surprised YOU are there!

But, you will be able to see and talk with family members.

This is not just wishful thinking.
It is not just something nice to say
to bring comfort to the grieving.

The Bible gives us some magnificent glimpses
into the next life.

Even though they leave so many questions unanswered,
they still generate a lot of comfort and even
a craving for the experience.

The older you get,
the more aches and pains you feel.

Sometimes injuries leave scars and
pain that lasts a lifetime.

And even disease can get you down.

But in eternity,
we will have new, glorified bodies.

Philippians 3:20-21 tells us, "20But our citizenship is in
heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."Our bodies will be just like Jesus' body!!

What will our bodies be like?

There were some Christians in the Church at Corinth that
didn't believe in the resurrection from the dead.

So they made fun of those who do
believe in life after death by
asking what kind of body will we have.
After all, nobody's seen one!

I Corinthians 15:35-38.  "35But someone may ask, 'How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?' 36How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. 37When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. 38But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body."

Paul uses an illustration of a seed.
It dies, and then
becomes a plant,
which is much bigger and more beautiful.

Verse 42.  "42So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; 43it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; 44it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body."

Your new body will be imperishable.
it will never die!
It will be glorious and powerful!
One of the great mysteries is that
somehow, even though we have a spiritual body,
we will readily recognize each other.

One time Jesus took Peter, James and John
upon on a mountain to pray.

While they were up there Jesus was transformed.
Matthew 17:2 tells us, "There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light."

Nearly all Bible scholars believe
this is a glimpse of what
we will be like in our new bodies.

And then Moses and Elijah,
who had been dead for centuries,
 appeared, talking with Jesus.

And there was something about them that
Peter, James and John had no trouble
recognizing who they were.
In Luke 16 Jesus told about a poor man named Lazarus
and a rich man who both died.
Lazarus was in a place of comfort.
The rich man was in a place of torment.

Both looked across a great gulf that separated them and
they knew each other and
had a conversation.
And Abraham was there, and
they knew him.
And the rich man remembered
his 5 brothers who were still alive.

When we die we do not become
see-through blobs called ghosts.

We do not have halos and wings and
sit on clouds playing harps.
How boring would that be?

We will have new, powerful bodies and
we will be able to recognize each other.
You will see and know your family in Heaven.

King David and Bathsheba had a baby boy.
The baby became ill.
For 7 days David fasted and prayed for the child.
But the baby died.

The servants were afraid to tell David because
in those days the bearer of bad news was often killed.

David saw the servants whispering among themselves.
He asked if the boy had died and
they said, "Yes."

So David cleaned himself up and
went to the temple and worshipped God.
Then he came back and ate some food.

In II Samuel 12:22 we read,
"22 He answered, 'While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again?
I will go to him, but he will not return to me.'"

Folks, when we get to Heaven,
that will be the greatest reunion ever imagined!
We will be reunited with all those who have gone before us.

I believe God intended the family to be
a preview of heaven.

I know we mess that up sometimes, but
like Heaven, ideally,
the family should be a place of unconditional love,
rich fellowship, and ongoing encouragement.


And I find comfort in knowing that
I will be able to see friends and loved ones. 

But this leads us to the next question.
Question #2:  How can Heaven be a perfect paradise
if some of my friends and family aren't there?

All of us will have friends and family
who reject Christ and therefore
are not in heaven.
But somehow when we get there
we won't be consumed with the pain and sadness
of those thoughts.

Maybe it's because of the overwhelming feeling of
being in the presence of God.
Maybe the sheer joy of Heaven
will overpower that sorrow.
Maybe it's because we will enter into
a totally different realm of time and purpose.
So the answer is, "we simply do not know."

In Revelation 21:4 John tells us,
"[God] will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

Another of the mysteries of the next life.
We simply do not know.

Question #3:  Should everything in our marriage
be on a 50/50 basis?

There are couples that expect
everything in a marriage to be fair.

So, they divide up all the house chores and
the yard work.

Each has their own bank account.
He pays the mortgage and
she pays the utilities.

What is left over in each bank account is
what each has to spend on whatever they want.
If they want more money to play with,
they have to get a better job.

For a while they brag about their fair division of everything and how well it is working out.

But one day he comes home from work and is tired.
He starts unloading those bags of mulch.

All of a sudden it hits him.
He is doing all the heavy lifting while
she is just sitting on the ground happily pulling weeds.
He thinks, "I got the short end of this deal!"

And one day she is cleaning a commode while
he is putting the dishes in the dish washer.

Her job is germy and yucky and
she is scrubbing while
he just sticks the dishes in and turns on the washer.

She starts to think, "I got the raw end of this deal"

Then there comes the day that
the dishwasher breaks down.

Since he is in charge of dishes,
she thinks he should replace the dishwasher
out of his spending money. 
She wants to buy another dozen pairs shoes.

The plumbing needs fixing.

Since she cleans the commode,
he thinks she should pay for the plumber
out of her account.
He has his eye on new headers
for his '61 candy apple red corvette.

Then came the Christmas when
they spent 4 hours longer at her folks than
they did his folks.

And let me tell you,
50/50 will not work.

The answer to our question is, "No!"

The Bible says that when a man and woman are married,
the 2 become one flesh.

And I believe
the bank accounts should go together as well.

If you go into a marriage expecting all to be fair,
you will be disappointed.

It is only when you give 110% to the marriage that
the love will grow through the years.

Let me illustrate.

Why do parents love their little kids?

Is it because they are always quiet and clean?
Is it because they are always polite and
never embarrass you?
Is it because they are always obedient and
never make a mess?
Is it because they are so helpful that
you never have any house or yard work to do?

You love your kids because
from the moment they are conceived,
you are constantly giving to them.

You provide shelter, food, clothes, discipline, and love.
And because you constantly give,
even though they give nothing in return,
your love grows stronger and stronger.

And the same happens in a marriage.
It is only as you constantly give,
that your love will deepen.

And that means you give 110% whether
your spouse gives anything or not.

We all have our down times.
There will be times when your spouse
actually becomes a negative factor.

But you hang in there and give110% to the relationship and
your spouse will come around.
Realize that one day you will have a down time and
your spouse will have to carry you.

We have seen this concept work in the lives of
Jim and Barb, our close friends in Michigan.

For the most part, Barb was the giver through the years.

Jim has a habit, that
if he thinks about doing something,
he just does it.

He hops in his car and
takes off.
Barb has no idea
when he left, where he went, or when he would return.

And he was doing this long before
cell phones were invented.

If there is a dollar in his pocket, he will spend it.
Barb controls the checkbook.
Many a time we have watched her put up with
Jim's trying to talk her into
loosing up on the purse strings.

And Jim is definitely a "type A" personality.

I have a reputation for being a peace-maker.
But Jim and I have been kicked out of a car lot, an appliance store, a Radio Shack, and
spit on by a man we were trying to give money to.

So Barb was normally the giver.

But then Barb went through the change of life.
Jim had mentioned things on the phone like
her being hard to get along with lately.

That summer we met them somewhere for a day.
Let's just say it was Jim's turn to give 110%
with Barb being a very negative factor!

But they have survived each other and now
are closer than ever before.

Actually, that is the way it normally happens.
When you come out of a difficult time,
your love has grown deeper.

Never think of marriage as 50/50.
Don't dwell on what is fair.
Focus on serving and pleasing your spouse.

And before we move on I'd like to point out that
if only one spouse works,
the stay at home spouse needs to be sensitive
to the needs of the one working.

Some days a person has a rough day at work.
Sometimes they come home exhausted.

When they come home and walk through the door,
they don't need to hear,
"You said you were going to
mulch the flower beds this week. 
Here it is Tuesday and
you haven't even started!"

2 things.
!. If you hit someone with a "honey-do list"
when they walk in the door,
they're going to feel like turning around and
leaving!

Give them a hug and a kiss and
let them know you missed them.
Let them unwind a little bit before you mention
your car has a flat tire!

2. There will be times when you need to
step back and look at the big picture.

If some things don't get done for another day or 2 or
even if it is delayed a week,
what will it matter even a few months from now?
What will matter is how much your spouse appreciates you.

And if you have a stay-at-home spouse,
realize your spouse may have been home all day and
needs to get out.
You may be tired, but
go somewhere with them anyway.

Finally,
Question #4:  How can I rekindle love in a marriage where there doesn't seem to be any love left?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "True love begins with disillusionment. Only when you are disappointed with a person, can you choose to love."

Anyone can love the ideal person.
The challenge is to love a real person.

I heard about a young woman
who was breaking up with a guy that
she had dated for a long time. 
She said, "I will always cherish
the initial misconception I had about you."

Anyone can love an ideal person.

But to love a person
with their faults and their idiosyncrasies,
that's when you realize that
love is a decision of the will and
not just an emotion of the heart.

When you realize that,
it changes the way you approach the relationship.

Every couple goes through seasons
when affection may wane or
the attraction starts to fade. 

A woman went to a marriage counselor and said,
"I want a divorce from my husband,
but I want it to hurt him. 
How can I really sting him?"

The counselor thought for a minute and said,
"If you really want to destroy him,
then set him up big time.

Pretend that you love him.
Serve him every chance you can.
Treat him like a king for the next two months.
Act the way you did when you first fell in love.

Then drop the bomb on him and say to him
"I want a divorce!'
That will crush him!"

So the wife followed the plan to a tee but
you know what happened?

She fell back in love with her husband and
the relationship flourished because
usually your feelings will follow your actions.

That is the whole impact of the movie, "Fireproof."
We have it if anyone wants to watch it.

There is enough action in the movie to
keep the guys somewhat interested.

The movie follows a couple on their way to a divorce.

But through one serving the other,
even when the other was pulling away,
love is reborn.

You might dismiss that and think it's just some story.
So carefully listen to what someone wrote.

"Satan is out to destroy the church, which is best accomplished through destroying the family.  He is looking for a way to tempt you…I understand these feelings with all of my heart. How can I make myself feel desire for my husband when I don't?  Some years ago, a very godly woman gave me the best advice I've ever been given concerning this area of marriage, and it was her own personal testimony. She said, 'Every single day I pray to thrill to his touch.'
That day I began to pray that I would thrill to my husband's touch and grow more desirable to him every single day.  Prayer dramatically transformed our lives-and it can transform yours. Remember, I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Yet (now) I thrill to my husband's touch.

You're right in thinking you cannot make yourself feel desire.   But God can change your heart and give you healthy desires toward your mate. Will you let Him?"
(Living Beyond Yourself, Beth Moore, p. 51)

Do you know who wrote those words? 
It was a person whose Bible teaching has
probably touched more people
than any other Christian woman's--Beth Moore. 

So, you aren't the only one
who may struggle in this area and
who needs their love rekindled.

So, how can I rekindle love in a marriage
where there doesn't seem to be any love left?
Give love and pray.

But you might say, "I can't do that."

But if you are a believer in Jesus Christ,
then you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you, and
with His help, you can.

Philippians 4:13 says,
"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength."

We're going to be going to be
celebrating our 33rd anniversary in a couple of weeks.

Obviously Marsha is the one
who has done most of the giving.

When I met Marsha,
I fell head over heels, madly in love with her.

And yet, crossing the mountains and
going through the valleys of life,
our love has only grown deeper and richer.

And I believe this is just a prelude to Heaven.

When you give your life to Christ,
you'll still cross the mountains of life.
You will still go through some valleys.

But through the hard times and the sad times,
He will be right there beside you.

And as you live through the good and bad of life,
your love for Him will only
deepen and grow richer.

This morning,
if you are ready to give your life to Jesus,
come forward in faith and
be buried with Him in baptism,
rising out of the water
to live a new life,
a life of deepening love.

Or if you've already done that and
would like to place your membership with us,
come forward as we stand and sing.


Based on a 7/17/2005 Dave Stone sermon at Southeast Christian Church, Louisville, Ky.